This section looks at the effects of how we deal with conflict. When ‘we’ get into a conflict we often get ANGRY this anger is part of our energy or power. When we get angry we use our NEGATIVE ENERGY/POWER and when we work together to do something good we use our POSITIVE ENERGY/POWER. We often say “they made me angry” or “you made me angry”. However, if we look at where the anger came from it was in fact ‘you’ who made ‘yourself’ angry because you control your emotions (your energy).

We use a lot of energy when we get angry, but we also use a lot of energy when we are creating something positive such as a group project. The more NEGATIVE ENERGY/POWER we use during a conflict the more destructive our actions become. So think if we used the same amount of energy as when we were angry, but instead used it as POSITIVE ENERGY/POWER, how many good and productive things we could do?`

 

How do you deal with conflicts?

Look at the questions below. Which of these answers would you say best describes the way you would deal with the conflict? Be as honest as you can. Click on the answer that describes how you deal with the situation and then at the end add up the number of times you answered each letter e.g. add the number of times you answered a, b, c or d. and check the chart to see the effects of how you deal with conflicts.

YOU MAKE A LONG PHONE CALL THAT COSTS A LOT OF MONEY. YOUR PARENTS ARE CROSS, DO YOU?

A Pick on your brother/sister getting him/her to say it was them?
B
Deny it?
C
Own up and say it was you?
D
Say your only going to pay half of it?


YOUR VIDEO BREAKS DOWN WHILE YOU ARE WATCHING YOUR FAVOURITE FILM, DO YOU:

A Kick your video?
B
Leave the video in the machine and don't tell anyone?
C
Take it to be repaired?
D
Try to take the video out?


YOU BREAK YOUR MUMS EXPENSIVE VASE ACCIDENTALLY, DO YOU:

A Get angry and shout at your mum when she asks you what happened?
B
Deny all knowledge?
C
Tell your mum?
D
Try to glue it back together?


YOU HAVE SOME WORK TO HAND IN AT SCHOOL, BUT YOU HAVE NOT DONE IT, DO YOU:

A Storm out of the classroom slamming the door when your teacher confronts you?
B
Deny you were told about the homework?
C
Speak to your teacher before class start
D
Don’t go to school?


YOU STEAL SOME MONEY FROM YOUR MUM’S PURSE, DO YOU?

A Shout at your mum for accusing you, when you know that you are to blame?
B
Deny all knowledge?
C
Tell your mum that you took it?
D
Tell your mum that if she doesn't give you more pocket money you have to take it?


YOU CRASH YOUR DAD'S CAR ACCIDENTALLY, DO YOU?

A Get angry and kick the car?
B
Pretend you don't know what happened?
C
Tell your dad?
D
Blame it on your brother or sister?


SOMEONE PUSHES YOU IN THE CORRIDOR AT SCHOOL, DO YOU

A Push them back?
B
Walk away?
C
Ask why they pushed you?
D
Tell them to walk on the right side of the corridor?


YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND FIGHTING, DO YOU?
A Join in the fight?
B
Ignore it and walk away?
C
Go and get a teacher?
D
Break up the fight and try to make a deal with the person your friend is fighting?


SOMEONE TOLD YOU THAT YOU SMELL, DO YOU?

A Punch them?
B
Ignore them?
C
Try to use some deodorant?
D
Tell them that they also smell?

SOMEONE TOLD YOU THAT THEY SAW YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND KISSING ANOTHER PERSON, DO YOU:

A Beat up the person they were kissing?
B
Ignore the person thinking that your boyfriend/girlfriend would not do that?
C
Speak to your boyfriend/girlfriend?
D
Kiss another person



YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOUR IS PLAYING LOUD MUSIC AND YOUR TRYING TO GO TO SLEEP, DO YOU?

A Knock on their door and swear at them?
B
Put some earplugs in?
C
Ask them to please turn the music down?
D
Put louder music on?


YOUR TEACHER CAUGHT YOU CHEWING GUM, DO YOU?

A Spit it out at her across the classroom?
B
Keep on chewing?
C
Apologize to the teacher?
D
Put it under the table?


Now check your answers using the chart below to see the effects of how you resolve conflict.

YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 'A'
You tend to use aggression when you are trying to resolve problems. This does not solve the problem; in fact it makes it worse. You could end up hurting people and getting hurt yourself.
YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 'B'
You tend to ignore the situation when you are dealing with problems this means you are not sorting out the issues and trying to find out why the conflict started and so the conflict is always there at the back of your mind and gets you angry when you think about it.
YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 'C'
You try to resolve problems calmly and this will help you to resolve the conflict and find out what started the conflict. This means that you have better relationships with the people you know
YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 'D'
You only look for short-term solutions meaning you only partially resolve conflicts; this could get you into more problems later and means you are not dealing with the problem fully.


Now go to the resolution page to see how conflicts can be resolved effectively.